Silence
by Nezkov Sou
Summary: HiruSena. OneShot. Slight AU. Just a small bouquet of flowers held so much meaning. All the words that I could not say out loud were now resting on my hands literally...


Silence

Disclaimer: I do not own ES21

* * *

He had been returning home late. He had been out drinking. He thought I did not know it, but he never realized that I stayed up every night waiting for him. Through the darkness that I had gotten used to, I would see his figure stumble into the room and without changing his clothes he would drop onto the bed beside me. And not knowing that I had my eyes open beside him, he would fall right into a slumber. He reeked of alcohol. The smell of it stung my nose and eyes. I had to turn away and let my tears fall.

Two years had passed since Hiruma and I went out together. Now we lived under the same roof. It felt so much like a real couple; a real married couple. When he had first proposed the idea to me, I could not describe the ecstatic wonderful feeling that rushed into me. It was all like a dream. A reality-turned dream. Despite that, we had never really said the three words to each other. Those three words: 'I love you'. That was a year ago and till now, we had lived together for a year. But although we had lived together, there was a problem that had begun to make its surface.

Hiruma's drinking habit and late nights.

He would stay out sometimes till dawn, but managed to wake up for school. We were in different classes, he was a year higher, and so we did not see each other much. To add to that, third years were not allowed to join clubs. I had the American Football club to conduct and often I returned home in the evenings, all tired and beaten to the core. When I had just begun my second year, Hiruma would stay to watch the Football practice. Frequently, he would help me with my captain position. However, after a few months, his stays were becoming lesser and lesser. Till one day, he stopped staying back all together and would straight away exit the school grounds once the dismissal bell rang.

It hurt me. Since that day, he had begun his late nights. In the evenings, when I returned home from practice, it was always a silent empty house that waited for me. I could not call it a home anymore. There was no one and no warmth that would welcome someone if it was indeed a home. It was plainly just a house. An empty house. The time we spent together, no, the time we actually met and talked together were being reduced greatly to the zero point. I was afraid that I could not pull the level up again. Ever again.

And finally, on one faithful day, I snapped.

All those pain and lonely days and nights I had burdened had changed into rage and anger. Betrayal and hurt burned in me and I shot them all out at him. I yelled how much he had been a traitor, proposing to live together and then staying out, making me feel all alone. I shouted how lonely I was after being cheated on this and that I knew all about his night outs. By the time I had finished with my rage, I was out of breath and panting. He had stayed silent all the while and a few moments after I fell silent, he spoke.

"Is that all?"

That was all? That was all he could say? After how much I had suffered because of him, after how painful I built up the courage to actually yell at him? After all those, that was all he could say?

"You don't understand do you?!" I screamed, blinded with rage, "You don't even care about me do you?!"

"What the fuck do you know?" he raised his voice, "You're the one who doesn't understand me!"

I was slightly taken aback by the raised voice, but I could not turn back anymore at this point, "I tried to! But you're always away! It feels like we don't exist in the same time!"

We quarreled for the first time living together. It had been a heated argument, I could not remember clearly well the details but at some point, I could not bear it any longer and ran out of the house, holding back the tears that were about to fall.

* * *

Outside, the sky was dark. Rain was near. I could smell the bitter scent of tears. In my mind I was cursing Hiruma. It had all started with him, and ended with him. He was the one who brought me into Football. He was the one who changed me. He was the one who first proposed something close to a couple's life. He was the one who betrayed me and let me fall down the cliff. Everything was always Hiruma. I hated the fact that I had grown depended of his existence and I had never wanted to argue with him or make him hate me. Although I wanted to apologize to him, I could not. After going through that argument, I felt a distinct pride in me to not back down from what I believed. I could not bring myself to return to him and say the words 'I'm sorry'.

Despite that small speck of pride, I still felt wanting to apologize. Half of it was my fault. I should not have blindly thrown a tantrum, but I did. I knew very well that I did love him, but I still could not bring the courage to say those three words to him. I wanted to tell him, but I could not. As I aimlessly stroll through the town, I passed by a florist. The flowers arranged neatly; all bright and cheerful. Flowers resembled humans' lives and they each had their own meaning. With that thought in mind, I entered the store. An old woman greeted me and I looked around. In spite of reading all of their labeled names, I did not know the language of flowers.

"Can I help you, son?" the woman kindly smiled, "Something for your lover?"

"Er… something like that…" I dropped my gaze to my feet, "to… to apologize…"

The woman's gentle eyes smiled at me and she shifted through the shelves. After a few minutes she returned and presented a small bouquet of four kinds of flowers.

"The purple hyacinths," she began, "mean 'I'm sorry' or 'Please forgive me'. The red roses, you ought to know what they meant. The primroses, means 'I can't live without you'." She chuckled lightly and handed me the bouquet.

The small bunch of flowers felt warm in my hands and I noticed the forth kind of flower. Red tulips.

The woman smiled when my eyes fell on the tulips, "The red tulips," she paused for a while and I looked up at her, "means 'Believe me'."

Just a small bouquet of flowers held so much meaning. All the words that I could not say out loud were now resting on my hands literally. I felt a smile tug at my lips and I let it show on my face. A sad smile. I really should be the one apologizing. My last chance.

* * *

The door had an unfamiliar air around it and swallowing silently; I stuck in the key and opened the entrance to the house. As usual, silence welcomed me in. I felt empty inside. He must have been really furious that he left me without any last words. Well, the last words were our argument. I stepped in and made my way to the living room. My body fell limp on the couch; the small bouquet resting on my lap. Tears began to weld up in the corner of my eyes. So much I wanted to tell him, but it was too late. I could not say anything. Not 'I'm sorry'. Not 'I love you'. Not 'I can't live without you'. Not 'Believe me'. I could not even give him the flowers even if I could not say out what they meant. It was too late. Everything had ended.

The door clicked open and I glanced up, surprised to see Hiruma at the entrance. He did not move from his place; gazing into my eyes from across the room. An awkward silence fell in. No words were exchanged. And then, my honey brown eyes fell onto the small bouquet of flowers in his hand. Purple hyacinths, red roses, primroses, red tulips.

I'm sorry. I love you. I can't live without you. Believe me.

Hiruma's emerald shards fell onto the flowers on my lap and he too realized what both of us were going through. So much that we wanted to tell each other, but no words were exchanged. We had our own way of understanding and telling each other what we felt without using words. Because there was a bond between us. An unseen bond, connecting us together. And forever.

I stood up, the bouquet in my hand, and stepped towards him. A distance away and we gazed into each others eyes, both of us holding onto our own similar bouquets. A smile came to my face and before I knew it, I was pulled into an embrace. My arms wrapped around his warm body and I breathed in his scent; a mix of his cinnamon soap and flowers, tinted with alcohol.

That problem, we would deal with it slowly.

And in silence.


End file.
